Left 4 Dead 2: The Weapons Part II

And now, at long last, we come to the Shooter part of our First Person Shooter game.  Left4Dead, you will recall, offered gamers a choice of six possible weapons, including the pistol, while Left4Dead2 has, in addition to its many melee options, a whopping 14 possible projectile weapons:  two handguns, including a Magnum Pistol modeled after the Desert Eagle, four Tier 1 firearms, 7 Tier 2 firearms and a Grenade Launcher. Those of us hoping for significantly more choice in guns were not disappointed! I’ll discuss the pistols first, leaving them out of the rankings because they don’t fit into the Firearms class at all.

P220 Pistol: We’ll start off with the most boring gun in the game in my opinion. There’s not much to say about this one, since it makes no sense to use this pistol in place of melee weapons which are vastly more effective at close range. It doesn’t bring much to the table and I can’t say I’ve used it more than a few times when there are just so many more exciting weapons to choose from in this game, including a much more powerful handgun. But hey, at least it’s not the Pump Shotgun!

Magnum Pistol: This is obviously a massive power upgrade from the pistol we were all accustomed to in original Left4Dead, not to mention being very very sexy. I really like this gun as it has the ability to drop zombies with one shot to the body, which makes it much quicker and easier to get kills than other L4D handguns. But again, it’s never going to be as effective at warding off zombies in close range as the various Melee Weapons, or at mowing down swarms of Infected quickly from a distance. However, given that the Magnum Pistol is a relatively rare find in Left4Dead2, it’s not a bad idea to give it a try when you get the chance since it does make a nice change from the more usual weapons. And in recognition of its timeless, stunning beauty, I am compelled to award this weapon with the title of Baddest, Sexiest Weapon In Left 4 Dead.

Pump Shotgun: I’m starting things off in the Firearms category with the sad pathetic loser of the Left4Dead2 Projectile Weapon Family. Needless to say I am not overly fond of this gun. I can’t think of anything it is better for than any of your alternatives in the early stages of a campaign. It’s not effective at a distance, but if you want a close range weapon, the game is clearly biased in favor of its many marvelous melee weapons. Add to that the tiresome reloading process and low ammunition capacity and what you get is not happy hunting. This gun has its place in the original game, but L4D2 is a different animal entirely and the pump shotgun is not a winner this time around.

Hunting Rifle: I’ve never had much use for this gun. Every once in a while I am seduced by a desire to kill zombies from far away where they can’t see me and watch their heads explode gore all over their zombie friends aka my next victims – but while this gun appeals to the psycho sniper in me, I’ve never found much use for it in game play since it very quickly becomes a liability in close quarters, and there are other guns with quite sufficient long range for most situations. And just to show you how much I don’t appreciate how you’ve repeatedly seduced me and left me out to dry, Hunting Rifle, I am almost tempted to rank you even lower than the lowly Pump Shotgun. I hope you’re sorry now.

Chrome Shotgun: Better looking than the pump shotgun which gets it a higher ranking, and its higher damage rating helps too. (Yeah, I brought up stats which I wasn’t going to do. I needed some outside help to even have an opinion on this dumb gun, sue me.) But this gun has essentially the same problems as the pump shotgun and a carry capacity of 56 as opposed to 128 for its uglier cousin the Pump. No one cares about you, Chrome Shotgun. Moving on.

Silenced Submachine Gun:   I just hate the look and feel of this thing. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m holding a big black dildo or … something … and I just didn’t sign up for that, you know? Whatever it is, I can’t really be bothered to analyze exactly why I’m so annoyed by this stupid little gun, all I know for sure is that in the event I get stuck with it? I’m tossing it the first chance I get for something bigger and badder. And there are a number of these big bad guns in L4D2 as we shall see soon enough.

Auto Shotgun: Also known as the Tactical Shotgun, for all you diehard original Left4Deaders. Well, this is a big step up from the pump shotgun, that much is obvious. Like, one-great-leap-for-mankind step up. But honestly, all this gun really does in L4D2 is make me miss Francis. It just felt right to use an Auto Shotgun when I was walking miles in Francis’s boots. And much like the Pump Shotgun and its chrome variation, the Auto Shotgun is really obsolete in Left4Dead2 as far as I’m concerned. Melee Weapons 3, Shotguns 0 so far.

Sniper Rifle:    Honestly, I haven’t even used this thing enough to comment on it. SO I guess that means that I’m just gonna have to pop the game in and go kill some zombies, I hope you all understand just how much I’m willing to do for you. Or something.  *Epic failure with Sniper Rifle* Okay! I tried it and I have to say, all the stats on how it’s more powerful and accurate than anything else in the game are fine and dandy… but when actually using it, I think this gun fucking sucks. It’s big and obtrustive for one thing, taking up more of the screen than other firearms, which if you’re like me and you are bothered by things in your peripheral vision, this gun is not for you. It is useless in close, and terribly inaccurate on the move. And movement is such a key part of the game that in my mind this gun can take its fancy stats and shove them.

Grenade Launcher: Technically doesn’t really belong with the firearms, but I’m making up the rules as I go. This is fun to use on groups of zombies bunched up close together, but if you’re not careful (and I am generally not nearly careful enough) the grenade launcher can bite you in the ass. I can’t say I feel real strongly about this weapon one way or the other, it’s nice as a novelty when you come across it from time to time.

Submachine Gun:   Unlike its worthless irritating cousin the silenced submachine gun, I actually like this one quite a bit. You may think it’s basically the same weapon, but all submachine guns are not created equal in the Left4Dead universe. It sounds good, feels good, and its rate of fire definitely comes in handy. It’s great for running full tilt, spraying bullets at everything in sight. Plus it looks really good on my video game husband, Bill.

Combat Rifle / Desert Rifle / SCAR: This gun is quite the looker. Like a lot of sexy ladies though, the longer you have to listen to her the more she loses her appeal! for me, a big part of a gun’s attraction is the noise it makes, and this gun unfortunately falls a bit short in that category. This gun has a big upside in terms of accuracy and ammo conservation though, and is really a pleasure to use, especially in levels where you’re going to be firing on the run and running for your life.

Combat Shotgun: Now we have come to the first truly drool worthy new weapon in Left4Dead2, and the only shotgun that really pulls its weight. It has a slightly longer range than the other, inferior shotguns, but I don’t care about that. What I do care about is the sheer destructive power of this gun which is magnificent – She is truly a beast, and she is exactly what I was hoping to get from the second installment of the Left4Dead saga. Still, she IS a shotgun, and shotguns are not a part of the ideal one-two combo of weaponry in L4D2 so I can only allocate a small part of my heart for Combat Shotgun. I do need to be careful about getting overly attached to guns who aren’t 100% worthy of my devotion. In the hierarchy of Left4Dead guns, Combat Shotgun can never go higher than Friend love.

AK-47: I love the sound of this gun, and given the choice I’ve been known to use it over the more accurate M-16 for that reason. While it’s not the most accurate or best looking gun in the game, it certainly has its charms. Its delightful sound is the result of a lower rate of fire than the M-16, but fortunately that hardly matters when you are careening around the carnival running up to zombies and shooting them in the face. When things get hairy I’ll be looking to pass this off for a more complete weapon, but I make sure every once in a while to spend some quality time with this baby.

M-16 Assault Rifle: What can I even say about this beautiful weapon? It’s simply the greatest, I love this gun. Powerful, accurate from long range, music to the ears and the sworn enemy of every kind of Infected. This was easily the best weapon from the first installation, and not much has changed the second time around in Left 4 Dead. This gun has not gotten old and I doubt it ever will. M-16, you have been my constant companion through many long and arduous campaigns, and I know we will stay close for years to come.

Onechanbara Bikini Samurai Squad Review (Xbox 360)

This game is seriously infamous for it’s collection of terrible reviews. What would warrant such terrible reviews of such a promising game? Jenna had to find out.

I went to the local Game Stop to pick up this luscious title, only to have the Assistant Manager tell me not to waste $30, let alone three dollars on it. I was in a particularly feeble mood and I caved in like a zombies skull hit with the butt of a shotgun.

I left the store disappointed, head down with my eyes on the ground, holding a used copy Ghostbusters. A copy that didn’t even work! By the time I went back to Game Stop to return the defunct disc, the price of the Ghostbusters game had decreased over $10 in price. Sigh.

The other night I decided to stroll into Blockbuster to check out the used game selection and there she was… for 14.99, Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad for 360. She was staring me in the face. Oh sweetie, there you are! I wasn’t going to let you go. Not this time, not for anything! I wrapped her in my arms closely (along with a Copy of Tomb Raider Anniversary) and spoke softly to her… “It is destiny that we are together at last”. As soon as I got home I plugged it in and I was instantly glued to the screen. And Okay, I’ll admit that I have a few personality similarities to an adolescent boy, but I can’t help myself… um boobs?

The game is sparkly, shiny and combines two– three of my favorite things: Zombies, Fashion and Incredibly sexy ladies!!! After a few hours of game play I decided to take another look at the reviews online and see if I could find a walk-through or two. I was appalled by what I saw! Critics didn’t just hate this game, they loathed it! The words “Sexist”, “Cheap”, and “Bad” came up again and again.

I really don’t see what is so bad about this game. If you have a problem with the game because of the targeted demographic, find something else to play! As for the graphics, we have to keep in mind while Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad was released in 2009 in the US, it was actually a 2006 Japanese release.

When we start to rate games based on our own personal bias instead of the demographic that the game was released for we start to see a major problem in the whole system of gaming reviews. Reviews like these are acceptable for a small personal review site where we see open sharing of unique paradigms.

I have trouble seeing reviews like this that reflect the opinion of an entire gaming organization. I was offended by the words published by Gamespot , “You can see sultry women in swimsuits for free on the Internet ” and IGN in particular “But really, if near-naked girls are what has you excited about Onechanbara, I’d like to introduce you to Google. It’s free.”. Ogling sexy ladies in a video game is drastically different than viewing 404′s when surfing through google image search for porn. What about all the prepubescent boys with Net Nanny on their computers? Special time revoked! Think about the children.

To see this happen on IGN, & Gamespot is disheartening at best. I was under the impression that they are supposed to be rating a game based on it’s actual playability instead of how it aligns with their particular interests, values or tastes.

This game has a very Japanese storyline. It’s super cute, uber kawaii Otaku candy. It’s goofy, and wacky. It’s the story of two sisters Aya and Saki!

Aya and Saki’s veins pulsate with Baneful Blood. A zombie outbreak fueled by this very same blood sends them out of their comfortable loft on an adventurous (and murderous) rampage. With only their swords by their sides, the girls go to put things right in the world.

Many of the other online reviews mentioned the storyline not making much sense. Hello! Has anyone seen Machine Girl here? This is a story of sex appeal, mindless violence and defending your honor!

I enjoyed the first cut-scene, it oozed sensuality. The shower scene did a wonderful job of leaving out all the naughty bits, but they kept it natural. No newspaper in front of the genitals here!

The game is very repetitive, which is fine! Much like Earth Defense Force: 2017, you will face mindless swarms of enemies that you take on again, and again! Mind numbing, but in a good way. It’s a great game to zone out to while enjoying some quality (albeit somewhat pixelated, T&A).

The music is awesome, poppy, and Japanese, it’s very reminiscent of FFX-2′s soundtrack (which in my opinion is an wholly underrated game with a terrible nonsensical ending).

There are several types of game play, Story Mode, Survival, and Freeplay (as well as a practice mode as well). Leveling up is kept consistent throughout the several types of game play. Normal needs to be completed to unlock higher game difficulty levels.

Different outfits and character modification aspects (eye color, hair color, etc) can be unlocked by completing different “QUEST” objectives. In “Dress Up”mode they didn’t skimp on the customization menus and controls whatsoever. It’s a really nice game attribute. The Quest objectives double as many of the XBL achievements as well. The achievements are somewhat tedious, so if you’re looking for a game to quickly boost your gamer score, this is not it!

I don’t think this game is perfect. I was extremely disappointed with the level of control when manipulating your viewfinder in the game. Annna (the third character who comes into play later in the game) is nearly impossible to play without targeting using the right bumper and even then shes just miserable. Point yourself in the right direction (if you can get there) then fire. You miss most of the time. The viewfinder isn’t that big of a problem with the two main heroines of the game. The hacking and slashing happens in every direction. You can access most enemies around you with ease, just pick your preferred move and use the left analog stick to guide your direction. If you have trouble use the convenient EDF like mini-map in the upper right hand corner.

Overall I enjoy the game, and I think it needs to be appreciated for what it is. Compared to many of the other games released at the same time, yes, it is lacking in a few areas. When we look at this game for what it is, a old-schoolish hack and slash adventure full of boobs and gore, I think it’s pretty darn great. 6.5/10 MP.